The innocence of sleep

The innocence of sleep is infuritating
All 5 souls, aching in different ways,
find some peace as we beat the struggles out of our minds,
slowly drifting off

Am I the only one thinking,
could this be the last time?

Shaking with anxiety,
wanting to run
cry
and curse the night with a glass that will act
as my lullaby

Inhale
Exhale

Tonight we all lay safe with dry pillows...
Tonight is a victory

The sun brings the pain once more,
reality awakens us all

With a stretch and a yawn,
everyone wishes for the night sky,
to feel the innocence of sleep...

Good morning, let the fight continue
Demons only allow rest for so long

Haven't wrote new material in a while that I feel like sharing, but I need to get back into it.
Writing is where my heart lies, and reading back on old posts it makes me cry knowing these emotions are within me-- but I'm glad I am able to get them out in a way that is healthy--through the poems.

I had a call today from a family member who has read some of my writings and thinks this is something I am good at and should continue. I don't need the pat on the back, but knowing that others have read and enjoyed my words is inspiring. Plus, writing is my outlet when things are dark and, a lot like praying, I need to remember to do it when I see the light too. Not just when the cloud is over my head.

Love,
Tues

Bring it

power within burns through all that attempts to stand in the way
in the way of my happiness
my new found strength

what broke me
changed me
....and i like it

street smart
cold
sarcastic
strong
Weapons of defense I earned

Bring it

I like the me the bullshit has created

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"


I can bench more then you could even imagine

Fuck it

I wanted an image
I changed,
opened up and took risks
Doing things I hadn't
and never sure I would

My image is what I imagined now

Taking shots,
pounding them back

Sarcasm and promiscuous

They love it

Is it just growing up?

I have fun...
or have I given up the little girl still in me?

Being burned over and over...
 you learn how to put out the fire before it starts

To play the game...to win before they even
knew a game was starting
Before they had a chance to set up the play

Let down the wall,
and each time it's an "I told you so"

I do what I do
Act this way
Say these things

I say fuck it and put that look on my face...
then everyone knows I'm not trippin

I've gotten so good at my cover that
it's what people know me for
Laughing while explaining the pain,
drinking through the tears

Fuck it

Trying to control all the insanity within
me that tried to take me over
with the tears and
days I can't face full of
the anger I swallow down

My attitude is my control,
the only control I've had in these situations

The race of my heart,
steals my breath
and puts me in the dark

Comfort Zone

The impossible,
unfolding

Hurts to see,
never thought that it would be

Have the faith
support

So badly I want to,
but past has taught me to
stand back
that having my guard up may be
what's best...

Can he blame me?

Or am I hurting myself
Should I enjoy what's here now,
since no one knows how long it will be this way

Feel like I'm in a movie,
as someone is scripting the "happy ending"

It's too much
too real
too soon

I don't know...

The only life I know is without him,
is being angry and torn apart

If he's attempting to get well...
Should I too?

Depression
Anxiety

I know I have fears and pain I need to confront

Been so close, but living in this fog
has become a comfort zone

The only comfort zone I've ever known

I know myself here
how to "survive" whatever that means today, in this moment

I feel entitled to this comfort,
to something
that in a twisted way this mess has become a security

Security--finally feel like I'm not losing myself,
my mind

Everyone deserves comfort and security
Shit has just made it so, this zone is mine.