too real, too quick

too real too quick

long time coming but never thought this would be

me

me someone that is a pain to see

to look in the mirror

into my eyes that bleed

bleed

my skin bleeds now

too real

too quick

long time coming

but never wanted to bleed

literally

literally feeling the pain that is hard to express within me

read all about it

it

 

it:

my life

my pain

Dear God... I wish it wasn't true

I look at myself in the mirror and I see you

No matter the amount of time goes by

You’re still a part of me and I wish

dear god... I wish it wasn’t true

Doing what I got to do

Speeding past you on the road

Taking back the shot with you in my ear and your eyes are on me in the bar

Sometimes it’s like there’s no escaping you

Seeing your new love and wanting to be happy for the two of you

yet, I’m only human and the good in my heart spoils faster then I wish it would

I wish I could blame this on the deep red in this here cup,

but if you were to read this... you knew it’d be true

It’s possible it’s only this idea of what I’d always wished you were

what I built you up to be

what I believe you envisioned us becoming

It’s possible it’s this cloud of loneliness that I never was able to outrun

even when your body was my pillow, your arms yearning to show me security
your eyes telling me you were here, this was now...

I made loving me damn near impossible

The loneliness that I thought was the way to play the game,

is a demon I can’t seem to cleanse myself from

It’s possible that I still love you,

yet I no longer know me,

so how could I recognize a feeling that I found a way not to feel
That I sinned against, in order to become unworthy of what a blessing it was

You’re still a part of me and I wish

dear God... I wish it wasn’t true

React

talking to myself through reactions to others thoughts

lyrics

quotes

the beats that speak more then the words

lost in my own mind

clarity through the evidence I’m finiding

the reactions to others thoughts

never say never

AT THE END OF IT ALL YOU'RE ALONE

YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO LOOK YOURSELF IN THE EYE

IN THE MIRROR

AND BE OK

I'M NOT OK

SOLD MYSELF IN MORE WAYS THEN ONE

HA FUNNY

SOMEHOW THIS ALL ENDED UP IN CAPS

GUESS THAT SHOWS HOW I'M YELLING INSIDE

WHILE INSIDE THIS CAVE I CALL A ROOM

THAT'S REALLY A HIDE OUT

SILENT

CAN'T WAKE OTHERS

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS

EVERYONE TELLING ME I'LL GET THROUGH THIS

YEAH SURE, THIS WILL PASS

YEAH SURE, I'LL ADMIT MY SINS

YET AGAIN

YEA SURE, LIFE WILL GO ON

HONESTLY THOUGH

WITHIN MY HEART

I NEVER KNOW IF I BELIEVE IT

NOR IF I WANT TO

I AM MY WORST ENEMY

THIS WAS ACCEPTED LONG AGO

LONG AGO WHEN I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE THIS GIRL

THIS WOMEN

THIS LOST SOUL

THIS DEPRESSED

THIS WILLING TO HURT...

my motivation, pride, faith, and breath is all fading again

i hate reality

i hate facing whats real

i hate doing what i need to do

because i feel that i've already failed

feeling as though it's worth nothing at all

my battle has grown

my wars within myself are getting worse

the better me losing

feeling weak

out of armor and weapons to fight back

where to go from here?

sinning with what i know heals the wounds for a while

a while just long enough, just long enough to fade way

fade away and lose myself 

my only break

I'ma bring the pain

try my best to do what's right

the devil and the anger over power too many times

can't help but to do what i know is wrong but what feels good

good to finally be the one to get revenge

to cause pain

coming out of my element

"kill them with kindness"

is it worth it that it's killing me more?

fuck that

gonna put me first

number one

me myself and i

every other out look has got me no where

how else do i put it?

can't play the fool no more

i may not see myself worthy of much

but outsmarting the bitch, i know i deserve at least that

let the music play

they say i'll be okay

i wish i believed those words

words like strength and beauty

that i can do this

cause right now i feel so weak

tears are fighting me

i don't want another daylight hidden away

nothing else seems right 

waiting for tonight

needing to get past the midnight hour

with the showers of self medication

the only time i don't feel

the time when breathing becomes easier and harder at the same time

fun, lifted to another reality

and another day i can say i made it,

no victory by any means, but another sunrise counts for something

to some

to some my outside image masks this pain

back in the day that was my goal

tuesday 1 life 0

ha 

if only i had thought this through

successfully creating my character that doesn't give a fuck

it's easier on the front, but deep down it only fuels the fire

the fire to my soul that burns deeper 

burning 
adding to the self inflicted wounds that turn to scars 
telling my story

scars hidden away, along with the reasons why i am the way i am

how that successful happy optimistic girl turned into a dark broken bitch behind the black curtains

engulfed in the physical mess, underneath the warmth i can disappear into

lifted again, thinking too much

let the music blast into my ears

words inspiring these words

another lost dreamer trying to shine the hope back in 

lifted

inspiration

breathing slowing down, closing down

made it past the midnight hour,

done with the showers

words inspring these words

let the music play...

The innocence of sleep

The innocence of sleep is infuritating
All 5 souls, aching in different ways,
find some peace as we beat the struggles out of our minds,
slowly drifting off

Am I the only one thinking,
could this be the last time?

Shaking with anxiety,
wanting to run
cry
and curse the night with a glass that will act
as my lullaby

Inhale
Exhale

Tonight we all lay safe with dry pillows...
Tonight is a victory

The sun brings the pain once more,
reality awakens us all

With a stretch and a yawn,
everyone wishes for the night sky,
to feel the innocence of sleep...

Good morning, let the fight continue
Demons only allow rest for so long