The Exit

Just another night

The same fight

The thought crossed my mind, like so many others I try to shake off and avoid

The thoughts that are twisted

The evidence of the two sides of me I can’t seem to keep straight

Well, This night

The “other,” got the best of me

Slicing the cheese

Just wanted a snack

You see, Food and alcohol usually suffices

But

Watching the slice of the cheese

I looked down at my skin, something excited me

To feel all the pain physically

Maybe I could breath easier

Maybe it would make more sense

Maybe this would fight the cloud away,

show that bitch that I’m crazier then she is

I switched from the cheese

to my wrist

I held the blade there for a second, pressed down a little harder...

Am I doing this?

It already feels nice

It’s cold

and hard

It’s okay

Deep breath

let it slide

Sliding across my skin I felt my adrenaline kick in

I smiled to myself

Feels good

Feels right

Just a quick second and

suddenly the pain deep down has a place to exit through

A mark to support it’s craziness

Suddenly there were 4 exits

I wanted all the pain gone,

to be free

I wanted to be free

no longer a slave to the depression

the cloud

the madness I hold inside

Little did I know that I would be throwing her a party through these actions

She got another victory

Each night now, she takes a shot and celebrates

On the bad nights, I get her fuuuucked up

ha..

Now the exits mark up my skin

I don’t know if there will ever be enough

If the pain and anxiety within gets the point of them

If they can find their way out

All I can do is make more

you know, show them the way

Right?

Just exit

GET OUT!

I’m not crazy

it makes sense

it’s all been within me and it was getting worse because everything was closed up

I rock back and forth now

Fighting the reach to my drawer where the blade just waits

While the bitch insides gets all dressed up for another night of partying

I’m making my exit from myself even further away

I’m getting lost in this maze

Maybe there never was an exit

I’m starting to think there never will be

but if you find the exit sign,

please help me