Friday, October 22, 2010

The beginning of the end

I remember the tears I cried at such a young age,
in my room of pale pink walls
stuffed animals
and all a little girl could dream of

We had it all

We had what I long for now
What I attempt to not be envying my friends of

We had comfort
security
love

Nothings perfect,
but at that time...
I believed we were
Even on those nights that I cried to sleep
or that I ran from the kitchen, down the stairs to
"daddy's get away" to make sure you guys were OK
to stop the fighting...

That's all I wanted

No more fighting

Holding him
Holding her

Daddy's little girl
Mommy's sweet angel

The day it all came crashing down is one that replays in my mind

So long ago, yet I could still feel tension
The tears swell behind my eyes as if I was still that 10 year old girl
sitting criss cross apple sauce near the fireplace, with the smell of home cooked meals,
the security of mommy and daddy in the next room,
the joy of Sunday mornings all 5 of us together...
It was all slowly fading
I felt it
I knew it

Tension turned to excitement
She turned the permanent sadness
into a happy get away...
on the outside anyway

Inside I followed her plan,
although I knew this was it

I had already stopped recognizing
and feeling the change

It caught us,
it was like a cancer

The 5 of us,
had no more time to live

Let our new life begin

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