Vulnerable hours

I hang up the phone
eyes red from the tears
and numb from my self meds

The truth that flows out of my mouth in those moments

at my most vulnerable
at my most honest

they scare me...
the most

I do a lot of harm
I know it
I hide it

My self meds bring it all out
There's no hiding my true colors in those wee hours of the morning
or those late nights where I still sit awake
Glass in hand
Headed to the car for the inhales

All to be numb
All to feel gone

All in those vulnerable hours
those wee hours of the morning
or those late nights

All to be numb
All to feel gone

If you never would've said anything...

With all the change
You remain
It drives me crazy

You never seem to be erased
Never fully gone

I yearn for peace
I try to do what's right

The pain is too much

Always seeking relief

Relief that is never satisfying

Relief that only does more harm

I'm a mess
I'm confused

But I hide it all so well

"If you never would've said anything, I never would've known..."