Running on E

The pain never subsides

Tricks in the book

Google and read to relate

The scars never fade fast enough

And the reminders haunt and eat away

My soul

Burns

Torn between the voices and the sickness and the me I was,

That I want to be

Recovery

A daily process

A daily struggle 

Gain some

Lose more

Always feeling in the negative 

Running on e

Don't gas me

It won't work

Trust me

Fueling up

Falling down

Story of my life

Tune ups on the weekly

Breaking down anyway

Worth decreasing

Not feeling worth it anymore

Lost my value

Nickel and diming all my loved ones

I'm difficult

Not an easy one

So mean

When it's just me

Tune ups on the weekly

Breaking down anyway 

Running on e

Why 

Why do I allow my worth to be judged by others

Any decrease in invites and or feeling like my effort is much then others I assume I am a bother and it eats away at me

Chewing me up

Spitting me up

Until I'm not what they need anymore

Till something or someone comes around that's better

I have always felt second best

Never a first choice

Easily dropped

What's wrong with me ?

2014, here we go!

It's the new year and I am being asked constantly what my goals are...

I guess I'm hesitant to make goals and resolutions because i don't want to let myself down and feel like a failure. 

Those feelings happen enough as it is. 

However I do want to continue to take the steps toward improved self health. I started on my improvements late in 2013 that I feel much of them are carrying over to this year, and I am more than okay with that. I have a lot I'm confronting and a lot to work through while, in the mean time, life doesn't stop.

I am looking back on 2013 and reflecting. No regrets. Definite lessons learned and some activities I am definetly tired of lol which feels nice to feel that way about certain things.

Writing more is one goal I will make, because it is so good for me and a passion. So here's my first step toward that. Not a creative piece but honest, and that's a theme I plan to keep.

Happy New Year xoxo